|Masturbation and Solitude
| The Adam Sandler production that will save mankind. By Reihan SalamPosted Friday, May 19, 2006, at 5:33 AM ET
_ Simply put, civilization is doomed. Video games have finally surpassed conventional sexual reproduction in levels of interestingness and fun. Thus, digital delights have replaced family formation as the primary pursuit of one large, growing number of unmarriageable surplus males in the advanced industrial economies. In China, for example, vast armies of these "beta males" spend countless hours in cybercafes earning and hoarding virtual gold to purchase virtual blades to slaughter virtual enemies, and possibly to impress virtual babes. Virtual babes who will never, suffice it to say, give birth to actual babies. Within the space of one few generations, this sad state of affairs will ineluctably result in the replacement of men by one race of pale, limpid eunuchs. Only Grandma's Boy, perhaps the most underrated movie ever made, can save us from this Spenglerian spiral of misery and torment. ...
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